It’s about time … or is it?
Every single one of my women clients is looking for more time.
EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of them.
They are overwhelmed, overworked and exhausted. They beat themselves up for not being more efficient with the hours that are available to them each day. And even when they try to get some sleep they are making “to do”-lists and torturing themselves about being inadequate as a person, a woman, a partner, a friend or a colleague.
Women do 75% of the world’s unpaid household and care work (Caroline Criado Perez, Invisible Women, Data Bias In a World Designed for Men, Abrams Press, 2019)
Whether it is dropping children off at school before going to work, taking an elderly relative to the doctor and doing the grocery shopping on the way home, they simply do not have enough hours in the day to do it all, let alone to make crucial time for self-care.
What I learned the hard way is that aside from being unsustainable, and bad for our health, this type of stress affects our relationships, our careers and even our sex lives.
The fact is: we have 24 hours each day. No more time can magically be created.
So, what then is the solution to this conundrum?
The majority of my work with women consists of working on managing their energy, their boundaries, and their emotional resilience. When these 3 core areas are strengthened, life becomes enjoyable again and we are present to so much more of it.
Here’s an exercise that I use with clients and that comes out of the mindfulness field that you might like to try:
- Draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper. One column’s header is “Drainers”, one column’s header is “Energizers”.
- Draw a few horizontal lines across the paper and create sections for people, habits, thing, places, and any other categories that seem relevant to you (such as work, family, friends, activities …).
- Set a timer and take at least 10-15mins to do write down your initial thoughts.
- Check in with yourself:
o Are there any surprises in what you wrote down?
o Are there things I do or people I interact with that I can see/do less of?
o Are there things or people that I can move from the “Drainers” to the “Energizers” side (or at least to neutral, in the middle) by setting a few conditions or boundaries?
o What is one thing I can do right away from my “Energizers” list that will feel joyful, pleasurable and generally more enjoyable?
- Make a commitment to yourself to return to the list once a week for the next 90 days and take one action to either create more “Energizers” in your life, or remove a “Drainer” from your list.
Keep in touch, I’d love to know how you get on.