She called me human Valium
(No … this is not an endorsement of prescription drugs)
As soon as Trudy said the words, she tried to explain how she meant it as the highest compliment – how she felt peaceful and calm around me, how she felt completely seen and heard, and how she felt her inner speedometer slow down. She said that in all our sessions together she had felt that I was present for her – really there for her – without judgment.
Because you see, Trudy and my other clients all have something in common: society tells them that their productivity and their achievements are tied to their value. That unless those boxes are ticked, they have little value.
Like somehow, they are not enough when they simply BE themselves.
I would know – I used to feel like that.
Some call this internalized capitalism. Here are some key indicators:
your self-worth is tied to your productivity
you feel guilty when you engage in something pleasurable
you equate rest with laziness
all activities are graded according to how it will help you “win” (status, promotion, projects, ….)
you prioritize your work over your health
you prioritize your work over many or all of your relationships
you strive for optimization (of everything in your life) because there is always something to improve
If you are honest with yourself, how many of these indicators do you respond “yes”, “sometimes”, or “a lot” to?
The work I do focuses on whole-being transformation, and on practices and tools that allow my clients to become present to themselves and to their own lives. They are not used to slowing down, but they find that – paradoxically – they are more productive, creative, and feel more energy precisely when they allow themselves to slow down.
Like how you get your best ideas in the shower, or when you are walking in nature.
Here is a practice of becoming present to yourself:
find an activity that you will do over the next few minutes and where you won’t be interrupted, whether it is make a cup of coffee or tea, eat something, or take a walk.
Now, slow yourself down. And when you think you are going slowly, go slower again (especially if you are about to burst out of your skin because you don’t have the time for this – trust me: you do).
Be aware of each moment and move with intention, no matter what you are doing.
Take a few minutes not to do what you are doing as quickly as possible, but to being with what you are doing.
How does that feel? What if you practiced this a couple of times a week?
What if you practiced this a couple of times a day?
Remember that you ARE enough, no matter what you do or don’t do.